All better

I apparently have the cutest blog on the block. ;)

What the?

Why is my blog orange? I didn't change my background setting. Interesting. I'll fix it later. Sorry it's impossible to read.

A good morning to Blog

My house is quiet, I cleaned last night so my house is clean, two of my three are still asleep, and Peter is awake but reading a book. Ah, life is sweet.
It's been a while since I blogged last. Randall had his 33rd birthday and Peter had his 7th. We had a pool party for Peter and I took Randall on a double date with his brother and wife. Both events were a blast. I'm still dreaming about the next time I can go to Yogurtland. I need to sample more pistachio. (A great flavor in a sample size, but I can't imagine eating a whole bowl of it.)
I am excited for school to start at the end of August. It's so close now. I am pretty much over having no schedule, sleeping in, etc etc. I need some order and organization. i am also crossing my fingers that I can get a gym membership when school starts. I've been consistently, though slowly, gaining weight since I moved here and it's no bueno.
This morning I was thinking about the balance of spiritual and physical things. I'll keep this blog G rated so I'll just say this. Tonght I have the opportunity to either go to a club to dance or go to the temple. I was suppose to go to dinner and then dancing with women from the gym but it fizzled out. So I sent a message to a separate friend from the gym to see if she wanted to go out dancing. But since my plans failed with the initial group I was thinking I should take the opportunity to go to the temple. My problem isn't necessarily with the choice between the temple or dancing. My problem is mostly whether or not it is appropriate as a Latter-Day Saint to go dancing in the first place. I know that the places to go dancing have people that drink and smoke. I know the songs they play are overtly sexual. And I know that when I dance I tend to "shake it like a polaroid picture". But here's my beef. Dancing is one of the only outlets I have to feel like a physical person. I spend the rest of my life poised and proper, which is good and fine, but it doesn't help me... how can I say this when I'm not sure who's reading this... feel like a sexual being. I think it's important to feel that way because it affects my physical relationship with my spouse. So I know for me in order to have a more satisfying love life I need to connect to that side of me, but I feel like in order to connect with that side of who I am as a human being, I am doing something wrong in the eyes of the church. Isn't that a hard one? This is what I think. I think it's okay for me to go dancing. I think it's good for me to find ways to see myself in a more "physical being" sort of way. And when I think of other ways to get in touch with that side of me, the only things I can come up with are generally drinking or pornography related. And I'll never go there. Maybe some people out there who read this don't have problems feeling sexy or "physically motivated" (that's a good one. lol) but I always have. I know, for those of you that knew me before marriage, it's all very surprising. Oh well. Deal with it.
When I am exercising and in great shape that really helps my sex drive. And that's a great wholesome outlet. But it's just not enough for me. I need to connect with my body. But I don't want to feel guilty doing it. And no, country line dancing and formal ballroom dancing does not do it for me, and plus my hubby doesn't dance. So it's just me and the girls shaking our groove thang.
And here's my second problem. I really can't handle being fully attired when I dance hard. It's totally an aerobic workout. But it's not a gym setting and again I'd feel guilty if I dressed like I do at the gym. Get me?
So here I am. I feel bad and guilty and I'm not sure if it's because I should feel bad and guilty, or if I should let it go. When I first went to the temple I had trouble not feeling guilty about wearing workout attire as I worked out. I sweat A LOT and realized if I didn't want to constantly overheat I needed to wear tanktops. I felt guilty about not wearing a t-shirt but knew I needed to get over my guilt because it was an appropriate venue to wear a tank top. Is this the same senario? huh.